Talking Kinky with a Fried-man
When was the last time you paid close attention to Texas politics? If you are like 71 percent of eligible voters in the state, it has not been any time recently. Consider Kinky Friedman the Texan defibrillator; a jolt to the system that could very well topple the massive party politics system in the Republican dominated state. To the corporate-funded parties, he is nothing more than an independent wacko, chomping on a cigar and touting a cowboy hat. But, to most voters who hear what he has to say, he may just be the savior of grassroots democracy.
On September 9, 2005 in downtown Fort Worth, a group of about 350 gathered to hear Kinky Friedman make his best pitch for their votes and, ultimately, the office of Texas governor. "Ladies and gentlemen," sounded a short man with curly hair, "welcome the man breathing new life into Texas politics, Kinky Friedman!"
Kinky walked on stage in blue jeans with a black leather vest and tipped cowboy hat. Pausing to light his cigar, a flash of a smile drew a cheer from the crowd. "Why thank ya, folks. This is little Jewford," he said, motioning to the short man with curly hair. "He's a Jew and he drives a Ford. He could well be the future first-lady of Texas," said Friedman, laughing.
Introducing himself, Kinky mused, "Folks, this is not a political campaign, it's a spiritual one. A campaign really derives its values from Jesus. Well, Jesus and Gandhi and Martin Luther King and Bob Dylan and Lenny Bruce ... A large number of people actually. Most of them died broke, by the way. I promise not to be a governor who goes in broke and comes out rich, like so many of them have. I'm going to go in broke, come out broke, and be proud of it!" The crowd ate it up.
The Crowd Kinky Friedman drew was large and diverse.
But who is Kinky Friedman anyway? Kinky coined the name of his mid-70's country rock band, The Texas Jewboys. Riding on the of popularity of bands such as The Eagles and The Gram Parsons Band, Kinky's band, The Texas Jewboys, did not find financial success. However, at several points in his musical career, Friedman did find himself performing on stage with the likes of Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson, eventually landing a performance on Saturday Night Live in October of 1976.
As the country rock wave toppled its crest, Kinky found his music career floundering. So, he turned to mystery novels. From 1986 through present day, Kinky has buried himself in the business of detective writing. With titles such as Elvis, Jesus and Coca-Cola and Kill Two Birds and Get Stoned (a play on words, obviously), Friedman developed a reputation as an unpredictable, unique, highly enjoyable author. Each of his 20 books loosely bases its main character on "the kinkster himself." Since April of 2001, Friedman held a column in Texas Monthly magazine entitled "Hail to the Kinkster." In Hail, circa November 2001, Kinky even detailed his friendships with George W Bush and Bill Clinton.
Back at the Fort Worth rally, Friedman continued to draw cheers from the crowd. "In the last gubernatorial race, we only had 29 percent of eligible voters voting. They spent $100 million to get 29 percent," he said. "In Iraq there was 58 percent. In Minnesota, with Jessie Ventura, there were 65 percent of eligible voters. So, it seems that 71 percent of us just didn't like the choice of plastic or paper."
"71% of us just didn't like the choice of plastic or paper."
Gaining momentum from the roars of the crowd, Friedman tipped his cowboy hat back and puffed a cigar. "The Republicans and Democrats have disappointed us here in Texas, I believe. The only time they get off their asses to do anything is to attack each other these days. That's what it seems like anyway," his comments eliciting louder and louder cheers from the crowd. "The last special session of the legislature proves that. [...] There is, with respect, a dysfunctional leadership to our state. The most important job [the governor] has is to inspire the people of Texas. With respect, this governor has failed to do that!"
Perhaps the dearest cause to Friedman, in this writer's opinion, is the poor state of Texas education. "When I'm governor," he began, "the first thing I'll do is get rid of teaching to the test. We're going to get rid of the T.A.C.K.S. test. That test alone, as every teacher in Texas knows, has done a real number on the special education kids, for one thing. Nobody wants them in their classes anymore because they draw down the results of this precious test. The gifted kids, they get screwed just as well by this test. This test, I understand, is costing more than it was supposed to make. [...] It's costing us a huge amount because it's not educating the kids, it is teaching to the test. It's gone." A group with shirts that read "Educators for Kinky" began cheering wildly.
"The Hebrew Hummer" follows Kinky's biodiesel campaign bus everywhere he goes.
"The governor, with respect, has appointed over 3,200 people [to the education system], most of them Republicans," continued Friedman. "If hed been a Democrat, he'd have appointed Democrats, or people that gave him $10 million to build toll roads, or whatever the reason. I would only appoint, to our educational system, people who have seen the inside of a classroom," he concluded to mighty fanfare.
Second on Kinky's agenda was the issue of renewable fuel. "Willie Nelsen, the 'Hillbilly Dali-llama,' is helping me with something," he said. "The two of us would like to sell Texas on biodiesel. Biodiesel is just renewable fuel. It gives the farmers work. It is 80 cents cheaper per gallon. It smells like French fries, so the truckers like it. In fact, there was a bear in Colorado two weeks ago that attacked a biodiesel truck ... which is kind of a downside to it. But, I'll tell ya what it really does," he said, pausing for dramatic effect. "It stops the Saudi's from playing the jukebox and us dancing to the tune."
"As Davy Crocket told the politicians in Tennessee, 'ya'll go to hell, I'm going to Texas!'" said Friedman with a southern zeal. "Now Texas is going to hell at the hands of those same politicians. I agree with Davy. I think Texas is worth fighting for. With respect, I don't see our governor really fighting for Texas," he declared.
"When I'm governor," promised Kinky, "I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number. Several hours a day you can get in touch with me and talk to the governor. I believe, with respect, this governor is out of touch with the working people of Texas. I think, folks, that musicians can better run this state than politicians. Hell, beauticians can better run this state than politicians!"
"Sometimes people say that I have a lot of one-liners. Well, Col. Travis at the Alamo had one line, folks. One line in the sand that he drew. That, in my opinion, was the moment that Texas was born. I'm drawing a line too, because I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore! The line I'm drawing, you can't see, but it's in your heart. I promise you, if you cross that line with me, we're going to build a better Texas together."
As the crowd began to dissipate, Friedman stepped back up to the microphone and reminded everyone, "I'll be here, ya'll, so don't leave just yet. I'll stick around to talk to you and answer any of the questions you have." True to his word, three hours later "the gov" was still chatting it up. This reporter managed to secure about ten minutes, one-on-one with Kinky.
Kinky talks shop with a teacher after the event.
Stephen Webster, The News Connection: "My readers are concerned about the actions of our appraisal district. Their appraisals and property taxes have been going up tremendously each year. What would you do to change that?"
Kinky Friedman: "Property taxes are outrageous. I think, first of all, we've got to do something about education [funded by property taxes]. As soon as we get funding for education, weather its through legalized casino gambling, slots for tots, the trust for Texas heroes which raises salaries for teachers, cops and firefighters which is a beautiful idea, and transferring sports funding out of the education budget and letting the corporate sector bid on high school sports. That means that Nike or Bank of America would build the stadium. [...] Take the sports funding out of the education budget and it'll cut that total in half, I guarantee it. [...] They've been doing it in Georgia for three years now. Has our legislature gone to Georgia to see how it's working out? No. They've been too busy with cheerleading legislation here. They haven't had a chance."
SW: "You said that you would put the sexual predators in jail before pot smokers. What changes would you make to the law to reflect this policy?"
KF: "Well, I'll certainly loosen up [the Texas marijuana laws]. I'd have to because Willie Nelsen is going to be a big part of my administration! [laughter] Willie is going to be dealing with renewable energy. He has jumped in front of the right parade so many times; I know he's right this time: biodiesel is going to be a watch-word. At the rate we're going, we're running out of dinosaur wine. It is going to be a dollar a drop in 10 years, I'm not exaggerating. It's going to be ridiculous. So, let's try this. Let's try biodiesel and ethanol. Let's get these co-ops going across Texas with help from the governor's office. [...] Willie's bus runs on 100 percent biodiesel. Imagine if we could get just 30 percent biodiesel into all the school busses, all the state police ... That would cut the demand for oil and gas. It would lower the prices. Plus, it would be biodegradable and totally renewable. [...] Texas can lead the country in renewable fuel the way we used to lead it in oil and gas exploration."
SW: "What is your opinion of what took place in the wake of hurricane Katrina?"
KF: "When there is no leadership, there is bureaucracy. Bureaucracy is things like turning away the Red Cross, who are worldwide first responders in war zones. I mean, Good Lord! Turning away Willie's bus, which was filled with bottled water, and not letting people leave with pets ... that's just insane. All of those things are bureaucratic bull-shit, in my mind. The governor and the state have done a great job as far as New Orleans is concerned. I think Texas has done an amazing job dealing with [Katrina's victims] as well."
SW: "If you could summarize your likely opponent, Rick Perry, in one sentence, what would you say?"
KF: "He's kind of a Gray Davis without the personality. But, it's not about Rick. It's not about Kinky Friedman vs. Rick Perry. It's about Kinky Friedman vs. apathy. If we can get 29% up to 40%, I'm the governor."
All photos by Alison Wheat, photographer at large.
