The Road of Bones

The Webster Retort
By Stephen Webster
Investigative Reporter
Publication date: Feb. 17, 2006

A Peppering of Insanity

What the hell is wrong with this scene? Could somebody tell me? When did we all lose our minds? The Vice President of the United States shoots a 78 year old man in THE FACE with a SHOTGUN, and then hides the story for 24 hours, trying to figure out what the official cover would be. The land owner and only witness calls the local weekly paper (no offense to my employers) to make it public, and three days later The New York Times runs a report that concludes stating the victim has accepted responsibility for the accident. “He got peppered pretty good,” said Anne Armstrong, the only witness (and apparently the only spokesperson for the Vice President on this matter). “But it wasn’t a big deal. Harry should have let us know that he was back there. […] You know, I’ve been peppered pretty well myself.”

Peppered? Being peppered by shotgun pellets, of all things, is not a “big deal”? Sure, maybe if someone THREW THEM at you! But when propelled by gunpowder, hurtling out of a long, metal barrel … Good God! Do some people really believe this is not a significant event?

Scott McClellan, the White House Press Secretary, claimed that the president was told a member of Cheney’s hunting party had been injured about an hour after the incident, on Saturday evening. But Bush was not told that Cheney was the shooter until Sunday. What is going on here? Does the president have so little control of his office that his VP can shoot a 78 year old man in the face with a shotgun and hide it from him for a full day? Or have we elected one man, only to have another take his place?

On top of that, the story they came up with in those 24 hours after the shooting simply does not wash. According to Armstrong, Harry Whittington fired a shot and went to retrieve the bird. Cheney moved a little further on toward another group of birds. Whittington walked up behind Cheney as the birds “flushed.” Cheney followed the birds with his shotgun and fired, somehow hitting Whittington at a distance of 30 yards.

Did you catch that? The victim approached the shooter from behind, away from where Cheney was pointing the gun. Cheney spun around and fired, striking Whittington from a short distance. In the end, they both conclude that it was Whittington’s fault for not yelling, “I’m here!” while Cheney was drawing a bead on a flock of birds just yards away. Hm. Blame the victim. Good thinking.

And let us not forget what happened just before the shot was fired. Whittington supposedly shot a fowl and went to retrieve it. I don’t know how quails in other parts of the U.S. react when a shotgun goes off, but in Texas they scatter to the wind for nearly a mile around. How can one logically explain birds just sitting there after a nearby blast from a firearm that size?

I heard someone say that these sorts of accidents happen all the time. Yet, last year the state of Texas had just 2.7 hunting accidents per 100,000 licenses sold. But if you bite down on the official story hook, line and sinker, you know that it is really not a big deal to get “peppered.” Hell, you pepper your potatoes every night, right? Peppering an old man’s face must not be any different. But that day’s hunt was. Many hunters know of the practice, and many decry it as dishonorable and disingenuous. Yes, the outing Mr. Cheney was on is what most hunters call a “canned hunt.”

In these morbid bloodbaths, old, white men with shotguns stand next to their cars on the side of a road and fire at animals that were released by the land owner. The quails Cheney tried to kill were raised in a small pen and intentionally dizzied before released, making them nothing more than living target practice. They run out from behind a bush (haha, but no pun intended) and get blown to pieces from a distance of 50 yards or less. It is a rotten, ugly way to kill an animal, and hunting from car-side is illegal on public (but not private) land in Texas. But Cheney cannot get enough of it.

Cheney went to Pennsylvania in December of 2003 with Texas Senator John Cornyn on one of these canned hunts. Together with a handful of Republican campaign contributors and lobbyists, they blasted 417 pen-raised birds in a matter of a few hours. Cheney was credited with 70 kills that day, a number which does not include people that may have looked like a quail, fortunately.

Until it is proved otherwise, and in spite of my better judgment, I believe that it was an accident; Cheney did not mean to shoot Whittington. He was not drunk (“officially”), and the local Sheriff’s Department conducted an investigation (albeit a very, very fast investigation). Now we can all just sit back and enjoy the jokes on late night television. Unfortunately, what I have to say is no joke.

To think that we have a Vice President who acts like he runs the White House! He shot an old man in the face with a shotgun and kept it secret for a day, managing to hide it from the president and the press until a campaign donor called a local paper. He was hunting without proper license, and denied local police an interview until a day later (which could be construed to constitute obstruction of justice). People, this is a matter of character. The simple fact that he did not go to the public immediately speaks volumes of the man we call our Vice President. Dispersing information through a campaign donor is no way for a leader to put such sober news to the public. To suggest this is “not a big deal” is like suggesting George W. Bush eating a live kitten in front of the White House Press Corps is a fun, family friendly show.

The Vice President shot a 78 year old man in the face with a shotgun, then ran and hid. He is the first Vice President to have shot a man since Aaron Burr killed General Alexander Hamilton in a pistol duel in 1804. He should resign immediately.

That’s my opinion, and I’m stickin’ to it.

Stephen Webster is an Investigative Reporter and Syndicated Columnist with The News Connection, a Staff Columnist with George W. Bush’s hometown weekly The Lone Star Iconoclast, and a former Contributor to The Dallas Morning News’ Science & Technology section. For more of Webster’s musings, visit GonzoMuckraker.BlogSpot.com.

Posted by The Gonzo Muckraker on Tuesday, February 14, 2006 at Tuesday, February 14, 2006 | Permalink