The Road of Bones

This is the shortened version of my Feb. 17, 2006 column. I trimmed it to fit space requirements imposed by The News Connection. The full version is going into The Lone Star Iconoclast.
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The Webster Retort
By Stephen Webster
Investigative Reporter
Publication date: Feb. 17, 2006

A Peppering of Insanity

When did we all lose our minds? The Vice President of the United States shoots a 78 year old man in THE FACE with a SHOTGUN, and then hides the story for 24 hours, trying to figure out what the official cover would be. A private citizen is chosen as the official mouthpiece and informs the local weekly paper. Three days later The New York Times runs a report that concludes stating the victim has accepted responsibility for the accident. “He got peppered pretty good,” said Anne Armstrong. “But it wasn’t a big deal. […] You know, I’ve been peppered pretty well myself.”

Not a big deal. Sure. The man is now carrying over 200 flying balls of metal in his body, and one actually migrated to his heart and caused a cardiac arrest. Did you know that if he dies, Cheney could be charged with Involuntary Manslaughter? Not a big deal. Uh-huh.
I spent three summers in the Boy Scouts, shooting skeet with 20 gage shotguns in West Texas. I fired the same weapon that Cheney used that day, and I never hit a person. Even someone who has never touched a gun should know the cardinal rule. What is that rule? You shouldn’t need a reminder. When using a gun, BE FREAKING CAREFUL!

Scott McClellan, the White House Press Secretary, claimed that the president was told a member of Cheney’s hunting party had been injured about an hour after the incident, on Saturday evening. But Bush was not told that Cheney was the shooter until Sunday. Does the president have so little control of his office that his VP can shoot a man and hide it from him for a full day? Or have we elected one man, only to have another take his place?

I heard someone say that these sorts of accidents happen all the time. Yet, last year the state of Texas had just 2.7 hunting accidents per 100,000 licenses sold. But if you bite down on the official story hook, line and sinker, you know that it is really not a big deal to get “peppered.” Hell, you pepper your potatoes every night, right? Peppering an old man’s face must not be any different. But that day’s hunt was. Many hunters know of the practice, and many decry it as dishonorable and disingenuous. Yes, the outing Mr. Cheney was on is what most hunters call a “canned hunt.”

In these morbid bloodbaths, old, white men with shotguns stand next to their cars on the side of a road and fire at animals that were released by the land owner. The quails Cheney tried to kill were raised in a small pen and had their wings clipped, making them nothing more than living target practice. They ran out from behind a bush (no pun intended) and get blown to pieces from close range. It is a rotten, ugly way to kill an animal, and hunting from car-side is illegal on public (but not private) land in Texas. Cheney cannot get enough of it.

Cheney went to Pennsylvania in December of 2003 with Texas Senator John Cornyn on one of these canned hunts. Together with a handful of Republican campaign contributors and lobbyists, they blasted 417 pen-raised birds in a matter of a few hours. Cheney was credited with 70 kills that day, a number which does not include people that may have looked like a quail, fortunately.

He was not drunk, but no tests were administered to prove that. The local Sheriff’s Department did interview the Vice President about it, but only after deputies were turned once away by the Secret Service on Cheney’s orders; they returned 19 hours later. However, until it is proven otherwise, I do believe that it was an accident. Certainly Cheney did not mean to shoot Whittington. But as on Wednesday, Feb. 15, five full days after the shooting, Cheney has not said one word to the public. That is simply disgraceful.

People, this is a matter of character. The simple fact that he did not go to the public immediately speaks volumes of the man we call our Vice President. Dispersing information through a campaign donor is no way for a leader to put such sober news to the public. To suggest this is “not a big deal” is like suggesting George W. Bush eating a live kitten in front of the White House Press Corps is a fun, family friendly show. And to hide away for five whole days (as of this writing) and refuse to talk to the press is downright shameful.

He is the first Vice President to have shot a man since Aaron Burr killed General Alexander Hamilton in a pistol duel in 1804.

He should resign immediately.

That’s my opinion, and I’m stickin’ to it.

Posted by The Gonzo Muckraker on Wednesday, February 15, 2006 at Wednesday, February 15, 2006 | Permalink