Getting Kinky in Argyle
By Stephen Webster
Investigative Reporter
For: The News Connection, The Lone Star Iconoclast
According to Independent Gubernatorial candidate Kinky Friedman,
The campaign's documentary film crew (left) rolls camera as I (middle) conduct my interview with The Kinkster Himself (right).
Photo by Annette Weir
Yes, Kinky is a character alright. Frequently appearing in boots with blue jeans, a black coat and a 10-gallon Stinson, Friedman is a man not afraid to light his cigar in public. However unconventional he may seem to some, his campaign has taken a much more serious tone over the last few months. Since he is running as an Independent, in order to get his name on the ballot, state law requires him to collect 45,540 signatures from registered voters who skipped the primary elections.
From the look of things, the Kinky Train has reached terminal velocity. Having collected over 100,000 signatures, all that remains is verification and certification by the Secretary of State. Then, the real campaign begins.
On Saturday, April 22, Kinky Friedman was at a private residence in Argyle for a fundraiser. The bluegrass band Baloney Moon entertained a crowd of about 60 people while this reporter sat down with the Kinkster for a one-on-one chat.
Stephen Webster, The News Connection: “So Kinky, tell me how your campaign is progressing.”
Kinky Friedman: “Well, I think it’s out of control, which is a good thing. The petition drive is doing very, very well. We’re very close to 100,000, but we may even be over that number. After [May 11] we’ll be on the ballot. From then on, I think the peasants are coming with pitchforks in November. I really do.”
TNC: “What kind of response have you been getting from mainline Republicans in
KF: “Well, I don’t know who’s mainline and who’s not anymore. The people we meet are mad as hell and they’re not gonna take it anymore. I think an equal number of Republicans and Democrats have already come over to our side, and it is growing every day. We’ve got over 5,000 volunteers signed up on our website, but there are so many more than that. The petition drive process was designed to keep us off the ballot. In 147 years, no one has done it. And, ah, it is a daunting task because you can’t do it online. They don’t do anything to make it easy. Then, you’ve got to notarize the signatures as you go. But it has worked very well for us. The same device they tried to keep us off the ballot with has actually put us on the map. I think we’ve got a real grass-roots organization going, as opposed to [Independent candidate Carole] Strayhorn, who has spent a lot of money on this and hired several big, out of state firms to do it for her.”
TNC: “Lately, gas prices have been nearly unaffordable for a lot of Texans. Talk to me about ethanol and biodiesel production.”
KF: “This is something that Willie Nelson and I want to do together. When I’m Governor, the first thing I’ll do is put 35,000 school busses on biodiesel. Willie will be the energy chief, and in a very short amount of time he will have the eight or 10 percent of Texans we need on biodiesel. The way to do it, of course, is to help the biodiesel co-ops; build them all along the highways so farmers have work – fuel you can grow. Then we can be like
"Ask not if you're proud of Texas," reads the shirt. "Ask if you've made Texas proud of you."
Photo by Stephen Webster
TNC: “Education reform is a big issue. What is the biggest problem facing the
KF: “(sighs) Well, the human component is always important. A lot of politicians don’t care about education – especially public education. But, as LBJ said, ‘education is not a problem. Education is an opportunity.’ You’ve got to pay for that opportunity, and you can’t do it with one-time money, which they’re always trying to. You need a permanent revenue stream. The way to do that is legalize casino gambling. We invented Texas Hold ‘Em and we can’t even play it here! Its just not even common sense to let
TNC: “You have proposed giving 15 percent of 2004’s property taxes back to the homeowners. What is wrong with our appraisal system?
KF: “Now its more than that. Now it is $82 billion, I understand. It wasn’t $4.3 billion. The latest figures are coming out, and it is over $8 billion. And the problem is that Carole Strayhorn [formerly the
TNC: “Are you aware of the issues we’ve had in
KF: “No.”
TNC: “[The News Connection] has run a series of 20 articles dealing with that issue. Our appraisal district is simply over charging people. They seem to have no regard for that 10 percent cap on increased home evaluations. They’re taking homesteads and raising them 20, 30, even 50 percent anyway.”
KF: “Well, it is not a surprise. That doesn’t surprise me at all. But, I mean, $8 billion is a little shocking. We all know that property taxes are out of whack, but this is a bit much. I don’t think they are going to give that money back. They are going to spend it on frivolous things. I think the money should go back to the people who paid it.”
TNC: “You seem to have taken on a different tone in your campaign. At first you relied pretty heavily on what a lot of people were calling one-liners. Now, it seems that you really hit the issues and go in-depth on what you care about. What brought about that change?”
KF: “I think everybody in politics and the public eye uses one-liners. The other guys use ‘em too, but they’re just not as humorous and they’re not as memorable. So, when I say something like, ‘never re-elect anybody,’ well, there’s a bit of truth to that. If we never re-elected anybody we’d have what the founding fathers wanted. We’d have what George Washington wanted. What’s so bad about that? Why do you have people like Perry and Strayhorn hanging on to politics for 59 years? Putting them together, they have 59 years in political life. That’s way too much! That’s the problem. Those are the people that got the train off the track and into the ditch. You can’t expect that they’re gonna come back and fix it, can you? I mean, why would they? How could they? It has got to be someone from the outside who does it. I say, get the politicians out of politics. If we can do that, we’re on our way.”
After his speech, Friedmen spent most of his time talking to people, signing copies of his many mystery novels, and puffing on his cigar.
Photo by Stephen Webster
TNC: “You said that if you are elected, you will only serve one term.”
KF: “Yes. That’s all it will need.”
TNC: “Just one term?”
KF: “Yep. Besides, after that I’ll be too old. Right now, I’m 61: too young for medicare, too old for women to care.”
TNC: (Laughter)
KF: “But I care.”
TNC: “So, what other issues are key to your campaign?”
KF: “Political reform, criminal justice, the border and immigration – which everybody is now talking about. Even Rick Perry is talking about it. Of course, it is an election year. It is a positive thing that he’s discovered that we have a border with
TNC: “What did you make of the 500,000 people marching through
KF: “Well, I was talking to Senator John McCain [R-AZ] a couple weeks ago - the first time I’d met him – over at A&M. I told him that I wasn’t afraid to offend people, and that’s why I thought I should be Governor. I’m not afraid of 500,000 Hispanics marching in
TNC: “How did you feel about the felony provision of the Republican immigration bill, H.R. 4437?”
KF: “I don’t know much about it. They made it a felony, or it is a felony …You know, they’re getting screwed anyway. Everyone is getting screwed but [Mexican President] Vicente Fox. Just remember that, okay? He is doing well. He likes the system as it is. You’re familiar with the Five Mexican Generals plan? Well, I talked about that with George Bush Sr. and McCain. McCain already knew all about the Five Mexican Generals plan, so I told it to George Bush. He was kinda chuckling about it and McCain made an interesting observation about it. He leaned forward and said, ‘The Five Mexican Generals plan is probably better than anything we’ve got going right now. That’s what I’m talking about. This is not the sense of humor, even though McCain has one. This is truth. It is a better plan than what we’ve got going right now. All I’m saying is that we’re gonna have to think unconventionally. We’re gonna have to do something that is unconventional and compassionate. We don’t want people dying on the sidewalks in front of out hospitals, you know? Nor do we want to finance these people by ourselves. We want the Mexican government to step up and do their fair share. So, because Perry has swept it under the rug for six years, now we’re following
Friedman, on stage with local bluegrass band Baloney Moon, gave an impassioned speech that drew a strong reaction from the crowd.
Photo by Stephen Webster
TNC: “So, how would we deal with the estimated 11 million illegals?”
KF: “Well, that’s a federal problem. I don’t know what they’re going to do about it. As far as
TNC: “You also said that law enforcement is an issue close to you. How do you feel about how that arm of the government is handled in
KF: “Well, I think cops, firemen, teachers and the troops, the veterans, are the foremost important groups of people in this society. Other people contribute, of course. But they are right on the front lines. The teachers, the cops, the firefighters and the veterans, arguably the most important. All of them are underpaid. All of them are not honored. The troops, as soon as they come home, are forgotten. Teachers are treated like shit in
Photo by Stephen Webster
TNC: “You have said we need to make more room in jail for pedophiles and perverts and let some of the pot heads out because they are not hurting anybody. Does that mean you want to reform our marijuana laws?”
KF: “Yes. I think the War on Drugs has failed. I talked to McCain about that as well. He agrees. He told me that cocaine in
TNC: “To wrap it up, I have one final question. It doesn’t directly pertain to the Texas Governor’s office, but it affects a lot of Texans nonetheless …”
KF: “Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t answer any more questions. (Laughter) Yeah, sure. Fire away.”
TNC: “How do you feel about the
FK: “Well, I think everybody is pretty well agreeing now that we attacked the wrong ‘I-country.’ It’s a mess and we’re stuck. It’s a tar baby. We can’t get out. We can’t just pull out. So, what do we do? I would leave it to military men. I’d leave it to men like Dick Cheney. Who, ah … By the way, I want to stand up for Dick’s hunting accident. You know, I actually think it is a pretty fitting end to a long, distinguished military career. But, we’ll leave it up to Dick Cheney to work it out. He got us in … maybe he can get us out. But, I’m running for Governor, not King. So, that’s really not my problem.”
For more information about Kinky Friedman, or to sign his petition and put him on the
