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The Tragedy of King George the Second

The Webster Retort

February 9, 2007
By Stephen Webster

The Tragedy of King George the Second

Act V, Scene IV …

Condi, Maiden of Hemmings: “Rescue, my Lord of NoFolk! Rescue! Rescue! The king enacts more wonders than a man, daring an opposite to every truth: his course is slain, and all on foot he fights,seeking for Richard in the throat of death. Rescue, fair lord, or else the day is lost!”

Enter King George

King George: “A course! A course! My kingdom for a course!”

Condi, Maiden of Hemmings: “Dare not withdraw, my lord; I’ll help you to a course.”

King George: “Slave! I have set my life upon a cast, and I will stand the hazard of the die. I think there be six nations in the axis; none have I slain to-day, instead of all. - A course! A course! My kingdom for a course!”

Condi, Maiden of Hemmings, King George exeunt stage right

Enter Prince Richard and Squire Lewis, bearing the crown; accompanied by daily scribes, lesser Lords, and begrudging forces.

Prince Richard: “God and your arms be prais’d, victorious friends; Mission Accomplished, the bloody dictator is dead.”

Squire Lewis: “Courageous Richard, Sir Fitzgerald may yet acquit me! Lo! Here, this long-usurped royalty from the dead temples of this bloody Congress, have I pluck’d off, to grace thy brows withal: wear it, enjoy it, and make much of it.”

Prince Richard: “Great God of Falwell, say amen to me! But, tell me, is young King George living?”

Squire Lewis: “He is my lord, and safe in Delusion; Whither, if you please, we may withdraw us.”

Prince Richard: “What men of name are slain on the side of righteousness?”

Squire Lewis: “Ashcroft of NoFolk, Donald Lord Rumsfeld, Sir Richard of Santorum, and Maid Judith of Miller, among the many.”

Prince Richard: “Inter their bodies as becomes their births: Proclaim as traitors, the soldiers fled, that in rebuke will raise voice to defame us; and then, as we have ta’en the sacrament, we will divide the country in hues of rose and ocean blue. Smile, courts, on this fair conjunction, that long hath frown’d upon the union!

“What traitor hears me, and says not amen? America hath long been mad, and scarr’d herself in peace; What fortune, that we should see the brother blindly shed the brother’s blood, the father rashly slaughter’d his own son, the son, compell’d, been butcher to the sire: All this divided heart and home, much to benefit of our King.

“Divided in their dire division, O! now, let the King and Lady Laura, the true succeeders and Decide’rs of our royal white house, by God’s fair ordinance conjoin together; and let their heirs, Princess Jenna, Lord Pierce, Lady Barbra, wise Jeb - God, we know they will be so - enrich the generations, and come to power with blood-soak’d peace, in death and smiling plenty, a fair, prosperous day!

“Hasten the sword to necks of our brotherly traitors, gracious Lord, those whom would subside and speak out, to reduce these bloody days again. Make poor America weep in streams of blood! Let them not live to taste this land’s increase that would with treason wound the fair desert’s freedom!

Now with great civil wounds are incurr’d, our wealth and dictate lives again: that she may long live here, God of Falwell, say amen!”

Prince Richard, Squire Lewis, daily scribes, lesser Lords, and begrudging forces - exeunt stage right

Stephen Webster is a reporter, columnist, and amateur William Shakespeare plagiarist from North Texas.

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