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God smacks down Falwell

Today, God has smacked down one of America's favorite crazy religiosos; one part of the Unholy Trinity, shared by only two other men: Pat Robertson and James Dobson.

Yes, Part Three of the Unholy Trinity has departed this world. Today, Jerry Falwell died of congestive heart failure. He was 73.

Looks like this time the gays, and the lesbians, the ACLU and the People for the American Way can't be blamed. Or Tinky Winky, the Teletubbie Falwell claimed to be gay. Or Spongebob Squarepants and his "naked he-man" friend, David Hasslehoff (I'm not kidding.)

But seriously. Let us not judge the man. Most rational people have already formed an opinion about his warmongering, increasingly authoritarian teachings. Let's just remember him by what he gave to us, as a society.

Let's remember Jerry Falwell by his words ...
"Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions."

"God continues to lift the curtain and allow the enemies of America to give us probably what we deserve."

"I believe that global warming is a myth. And so, therefore, I have no conscience problems at all and I'm going to buy a Suburban next time."

"I think the Moslem faith teaches hate."

"If I were president of the United States, I would include Moslems in my presidency."

"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."

"Textbooks are Soviet propaganda."

"The ACLU has got to take a lot of blame for [the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001]."

"AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals, it is God's punishment for a society that tolerates homosexuals."

"I do not believe the homosexual community deserves minority status. One's misbehavior does not qualify him or her for minority status. Blacks, Hispanics, women, etc., are God-ordained minorities who do indeed deserve minority status."

"The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi Party is to Jews."

"Billy Graham is the chief servant of Satan."




Glory-glory, holla-jah-lou-yah. Amen and Mahalo.

Tonight, Jerry Falwell will be transformed, only to live anew as a Mii, buried deep within the confines of my most precious Nintendo Wii.

I bet he's just loving that idea, living on in this world, as part of something pronounced "wee".

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